happiness and contentment

today....i opened my eyes and woke up in a completely different surrounding...even though this surroundin was my home in bombay.... a strange alienating emotion swept ova me...like i dint belong here..or the purpose of my existance in this place is still yet not to b attained...

though...little guilty pleasures like eating macdonalds again....watchin movies on widescreen multiplexes..havin a little of social life...totally enthralls me no doubt!

its diwali...and the streets have been lighted up along wit color.people seem so happy...even when their shops are open during the holiday session....people seem like they r happy being who they are...and where they are....and for the 1st time...i realized...that i COULD be happy too u know...

let me tell u what happened to me the other day in manipal... :)
ok...i must have ranted on before on how much i hate that place and want any oportunity to get out....
well...i was on my friends scooty sitting at the back seat and i was listening to my ipod...and it began to drizzle....and i let my hands loose in the air..wit raindrops trickling down my skin...and the wind in my hair...i felt that it was the most exhilarating moment of my life...I was happy....

yesterday i felt somwhere close to that seeing all the beautiful lights and buildings....though i wished my special friend was there wit me that time....and i let him know of it too :)

im leaving bombay in 2 days...yet i guess i would never leave or forget the lesson i learnt from looking at lights.... live for the moment..coz u may never know when the oil or the source of ur light could go away...and all that wud b left...wud b darkness....

and all that was left...was blood....

A lions heart...Ladies fingers and An eagles eye is what is needed to be a good surgeon....thats what i heard in the beginning of my oral surgery posting...but the depth of those words is what i understood today....
i conducted my first extraction today....and all i saw was blood...pain...and more blood...my proffesor said i did a good job...but did i?
its strange..really...how to prevent a particular pain to increase we inflict another kind of pain...
now...is this applicable only in dentistry or in our personal lives too??
in some people...they inflict their pain..or sadness on other people...its known as the displacement theory....normally seen in children..or young adults...
and in some people... pain is more self inflicting....
but can u tell me 1 thing...i hardly knew the man whos extraction i did today...then why..for the first time of my life...did i feel his pain...????

why did it feel like the blood i see is my own...why did it feel that i need to breathe..to get some fresh air!! ....
i really need to breathe....for once...i want my lungs to get some fresh air.....for somtimes...i feel suffocated....and sometimes...i dont even know why....
one of my dreams in life was to become som1 who could just help people to let their pain go away....and right now....what i see...is someting far much worse.....