Monday, October 27, 2008

happiness and contentment

today....i opened my eyes and woke up in a completely different surrounding...even though this surroundin was my home in bombay.... a strange alienating emotion swept ova me...like i dint belong here..or the purpose of my existance in this place is still yet not to b attained...

though...little guilty pleasures like eating macdonalds again....watchin movies on widescreen multiplexes..havin a little of social life...totally enthralls me no doubt!

its diwali...and the streets have been lighted up along wit color.people seem so happy...even when their shops are open during the holiday session....people seem like they r happy being who they are...and where they are....and for the 1st time...i realized...that i COULD be happy too u know...

let me tell u what happened to me the other day in manipal... :)
ok...i must have ranted on before on how much i hate that place and want any oportunity to get out....
well...i was on my friends scooty sitting at the back seat and i was listening to my ipod...and it began to drizzle....and i let my hands loose in the air..wit raindrops trickling down my skin...and the wind in my hair...i felt that it was the most exhilarating moment of my life...I was happy....

yesterday i felt somwhere close to that seeing all the beautiful lights and buildings....though i wished my special friend was there wit me that time....and i let him know of it too :)

im leaving bombay in 2 days...yet i guess i would never leave or forget the lesson i learnt from looking at lights.... live for the moment..coz u may never know when the oil or the source of ur light could go away...and all that wud b left...wud b darkness....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

and all that was left...was blood....

A lions heart...Ladies fingers and An eagles eye is what is needed to be a good surgeon....thats what i heard in the beginning of my oral surgery posting...but the depth of those words is what i understood today....
i conducted my first extraction today....and all i saw was blood...pain...and more blood...my proffesor said i did a good job...but did i?
its strange..really...how to prevent a particular pain to increase we inflict another kind of pain...
now...is this applicable only in dentistry or in our personal lives too??
in some people...they inflict their pain..or sadness on other people...its known as the displacement theory....normally seen in children..or young adults...
and in some people... pain is more self inflicting....
but can u tell me 1 thing...i hardly knew the man whos extraction i did today...then why..for the first time of my life...did i feel his pain...????

why did it feel like the blood i see is my own...why did it feel that i need to breathe..to get some fresh air!! ....
i really need to breathe....for once...i want my lungs to get some fresh air.....for somtimes...i feel suffocated....and sometimes...i dont even know why....
one of my dreams in life was to become som1 who could just help people to let their pain go away....and right now....what i see...is someting far much worse.....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

pichle saath dinon mein (these past 7 days.... )

listening to farhan akhtars song from rock on "pichle saat dino mein", i realized how much things can change over a span of 7 days....lesse what happened to me...
1)i turned from baby simran uttamsingh to BROKE simran uttamsingh
2) i realized that the bitches in my college were angelic and the so called angels in my college were bitches..
3) i saw a friend ruin another friends day in revenge...
4)i fought wit my best friend
5) i made up wit my best friend and promised not to talk to the person i love in exchange for our friendship
6)i lamented the loss of my so called love
7)mennungu pagi

its strange how much things can change in a matter of 7 days...its 1 week!!! damn it!! 1 week!!!
1 day ur all hippity hoppity flying like a bird....and the next moment..som1 holds on to ur wings and pulls u down into a crash landing.....

sometimes we knw wat to do....somtimes we dont...but what gives us any right to crush any other birds wings....after all...we were all born to fly.....

ok...leme tell you a story...a story about a beautiful princess who lived in a beautiful castle...who had everything...maids..servents..lovin parents...etc. but she was very sick...she had a weak heart....1 day ...she found a rugged teady bear on the steps of her hostel....on the teady bear...was a note...which stated "lets make a deal...u fix ur heart...the bear will fix your soul "
the princess thought it was a joke.....yet she cared for the lil teady bear...cleaned it...treated that inanimate object as her own family...

now her family members dint like the fact that she loved an inanimate object so much so that she forgot about every1 else...
1 day they took no more...and snatched the bear from her....
"hes an inanimate being....ur love for him is only 1 sided....nothin wud come out of this"
she cried...she yelled....she screamed...yet she never got him back....1 day she heard...they threw him in the river...beyond the mountains....that ended into the deep dark ocean.....
now...when she heard the news....she went to that oceans seashore....and cried her heart out....
the next morning...her family found her dead at the shore...and lying near her arms...was tragically the soken bear....they dint understand...so many questions...how did she die?? how did that bear turn up?? ...their heart skipped a beat when they heard a noise from behind....
an old man...laughin...crying...they cudnt make out....they wanted to sho him away...yet before they cud...he spoke
"lo...look wat you have done...your daughter asked for only a little bit of love....and that you denied her....your daughter only wanted to fly...that too you denied her...you...you and you...all of u...are to b blamed for her death....she dint die of a weak heart...she died of a broken 1....and that 1 sided love you spoke about..yes you....is not what i see now...even nature cries out in humour...cant you see....that teady was hers all along...look what you have done...look what you have done...."

what have i done.... :(