Tuesday, December 16, 2008

to the moon and back...

there was a girl...who like any other girl..loved to dream..and wanted to make a diffrence in the world...she packed her bags..and without telling anyone from her place...she took off...and went to the nearest bus stand from where buses took off to distant lands...there were many people around her...who like her too..had a dream..or who were sucessful in persuing a dream and now their life had no more meaning...in short...every1 who stood near her were in need of an adventure which wud change their life forever...or at least momentarily...
the bus blew its first horn..it was time to go.
the bus driver was a wierd man..every1 said...as when a passenger asked amiably,which route the bus will take...all the bus driver said was"we r going to follow the moon,whose light and guidance will lead us along the path of our destination."
and thats what they did the whole night,they followed the moon...heading from darkness to light,from ignorance of the past,2 persue a better brighter future,yet trapped in the solitude of d present.

the bus was crossing a bridge and from the window,the girl saw a 40 watt bulb light hanging from a small single boat alone in the vast black sea...she thot how similar her life is to that lonely boat,whose purpose was also to seek an absolution from the solitude,seeking for that other lighted boat across the dark sea...but cudnt find any...
"if only i cud see...if only i cud find...",thot the girl....
and just as if the man sitting next to her read her mind,said,"you dont always need to search for your soul in some 1 else, you knw, my friend,lonliness is just a state of mind,my friend...its us who can get rid of that feeling or let it take over majority of our thoughts...your own arms shud keep u warm on cold and lonely nights.im not saying man can live to b a lonely soul...and thats why god made friends...who can turn out to b our only saving grace...that lonely boat u see there,isnt actually lonely u knw...that light emitted from it shows that the persons heart is full of hope and faith..and 1 day...if its in his destiny,he will find his other boat...however...even if he doesnt...he shudnt lament on the fact..and shud carry on wit his life...and looking at a fisher mans lonely life..im sure he wont have any problem.."
he said a lot more things...sometimes deviating from the topic of discussion,he forced upon her...however..what she did remember was a statement he made towards the end ....
"my child,god made us all alone...only to seek a purpose...our other half...some of us are lucky to find purpose sooner than others.the others...will face a tough path...yet when they find what they truely were searching for...the fruits to their toil are more satisfying...more contenting...so my dear child...seek your purpose..and god bless you...for i pray for ur goodness and life...."

Monday, November 24, 2008

zongs from z heart...

if my heart had a song...it wud b a sad love song,
a song about broken friendship..a song about love not found...a song of love lost...
a song about betreyal and solitude....
if my heart could sum up a strong beat...it wud tell a story about loss and pain...
if only my heart was made of stone...2 endure all hardship and heartless glares....
if only i dint have this weak heart of mine....beating feebly...our sad little love song....

Monday, November 17, 2008

twirly whirly!!!

sometimes,i like spinning around.the dizziness enchants me...flashing lights that grip me...twirling around...tickling me...i wish i cud b on a carosel....round and round,round and round.gripping me into an unknown world of mine,a world which i never knew existed...if only i could twirl around like i did as a child...
the mulicolored daze facinates me...its strange how clear my life seems in the uncertainity and unclarity during the spinning...maybe thats why some sufi singers twirl alot while the sing to god...for me..its 1 of those kicks i dont need wit alcohol...for me ..its like another tumbling down a mountain.. (love doin that!)
besides...its a pretty good thing to do to reduce ur bordom... :P :P try it..and leme know how u feel and what u saw....

Sunday, November 16, 2008

MISS understood

lol...quite contrary to my usual day dreaming in class...this time..i wrote a small piece of my mind... here goes...(its better than snoozing off in orthodontics..trust me :P :P )
i rather be misunderstood than to b completely understood...atleast people wont hurt me with the treacherous truth...coz a lie against me wont hurt as much...if only i was misunderstood...that wud b my shell...my visage to tis cruel world...my sanctuary.....

Monday, October 27, 2008

happiness and contentment

today....i opened my eyes and woke up in a completely different surrounding...even though this surroundin was my home in bombay.... a strange alienating emotion swept ova me...like i dint belong here..or the purpose of my existance in this place is still yet not to b attained...

though...little guilty pleasures like eating macdonalds again....watchin movies on widescreen multiplexes..havin a little of social life...totally enthralls me no doubt!

its diwali...and the streets have been lighted up along wit color.people seem so happy...even when their shops are open during the holiday session....people seem like they r happy being who they are...and where they are....and for the 1st time...i realized...that i COULD be happy too u know...

let me tell u what happened to me the other day in manipal... :)
ok...i must have ranted on before on how much i hate that place and want any oportunity to get out....
well...i was on my friends scooty sitting at the back seat and i was listening to my ipod...and it began to drizzle....and i let my hands loose in the air..wit raindrops trickling down my skin...and the wind in my hair...i felt that it was the most exhilarating moment of my life...I was happy....

yesterday i felt somwhere close to that seeing all the beautiful lights and buildings....though i wished my special friend was there wit me that time....and i let him know of it too :)

im leaving bombay in 2 days...yet i guess i would never leave or forget the lesson i learnt from looking at lights.... live for the moment..coz u may never know when the oil or the source of ur light could go away...and all that wud b left...wud b darkness....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

and all that was left...was blood....

A lions heart...Ladies fingers and An eagles eye is what is needed to be a good surgeon....thats what i heard in the beginning of my oral surgery posting...but the depth of those words is what i understood today....
i conducted my first extraction today....and all i saw was blood...pain...and more blood...my proffesor said i did a good job...but did i?
its strange..really...how to prevent a particular pain to increase we inflict another kind of pain...
now...is this applicable only in dentistry or in our personal lives too??
in some people...they inflict their pain..or sadness on other people...its known as the displacement theory....normally seen in children..or young adults...
and in some people... pain is more self inflicting....
but can u tell me 1 thing...i hardly knew the man whos extraction i did today...then why..for the first time of my life...did i feel his pain...????

why did it feel like the blood i see is my own...why did it feel that i need to breathe..to get some fresh air!! ....
i really need to breathe....for once...i want my lungs to get some fresh air.....for somtimes...i feel suffocated....and sometimes...i dont even know why....
one of my dreams in life was to become som1 who could just help people to let their pain go away....and right now....what i see...is someting far much worse.....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

pichle saath dinon mein (these past 7 days.... )

listening to farhan akhtars song from rock on "pichle saat dino mein", i realized how much things can change over a span of 7 days....lesse what happened to me...
1)i turned from baby simran uttamsingh to BROKE simran uttamsingh
2) i realized that the bitches in my college were angelic and the so called angels in my college were bitches..
3) i saw a friend ruin another friends day in revenge...
4)i fought wit my best friend
5) i made up wit my best friend and promised not to talk to the person i love in exchange for our friendship
6)i lamented the loss of my so called love
7)mennungu pagi

its strange how much things can change in a matter of 7 days...its 1 week!!! damn it!! 1 week!!!
1 day ur all hippity hoppity flying like a bird....and the next moment..som1 holds on to ur wings and pulls u down into a crash landing.....

sometimes we knw wat to do....somtimes we dont...but what gives us any right to crush any other birds wings....after all...we were all born to fly.....

ok...leme tell you a story...a story about a beautiful princess who lived in a beautiful castle...who had everything...maids..servents..lovin parents...etc. but she was very sick...she had a weak heart....1 day ...she found a rugged teady bear on the steps of her hostel....on the teady bear...was a note...which stated "lets make a deal...u fix ur heart...the bear will fix your soul "
the princess thought it was a joke.....yet she cared for the lil teady bear...cleaned it...treated that inanimate object as her own family...

now her family members dint like the fact that she loved an inanimate object so much so that she forgot about every1 else...
1 day they took no more...and snatched the bear from her....
"hes an inanimate being....ur love for him is only 1 sided....nothin wud come out of this"
she cried...she yelled....she screamed...yet she never got him back....1 day she heard...they threw him in the river...beyond the mountains....that ended into the deep dark ocean.....
now...when she heard the news....she went to that oceans seashore....and cried her heart out....
the next morning...her family found her dead at the shore...and lying near her arms...was tragically the soken bear....they dint understand...so many questions...how did she die?? how did that bear turn up?? ...their heart skipped a beat when they heard a noise from behind....
an old man...laughin...crying...they cudnt make out....they wanted to sho him away...yet before they cud...he spoke
"lo...look wat you have done...your daughter asked for only a little bit of love....and that you denied her....your daughter only wanted to fly...that too you denied her...you...you and you...all of u...are to b blamed for her death....she dint die of a weak heart...she died of a broken 1....and that 1 sided love you spoke about..yes you....is not what i see now...even nature cries out in humour...cant you see....that teady was hers all along...look what you have done...look what you have done...."

what have i done.... :(

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

time warp....

there i was...sitting in the train...returning from a much awaited...most anticipated journey...and there i was...back in manipal...yet i wondered (like i alwayz do)
i am here...and still...my heart hasnt yet made that fateful journey across states...across borders...i chuckled silently how the law of physics and inertia never works for me when i need it the most...somting to snap me bak into the current affairs of time...1 day...it will...and will hit me hard....
have u ever felt that u needed to do somthing or u were somwhere else when uve ben in the same place for a very long time... :) ....
if we can manage to cage our past...why cant we ever entrap our future..that too..is time...isnt it?
i was talkin to my friend mike...and he asked what wud i ask from god..if i was granted a wish....i told him i wanted to fly...to be free....
all of us are slaves....our human nature is such that makes us fall into such shackles....some of us are slaves of other people...some of us are slaves of weaknesses....AND some of us....are slaves of time....
i was walking through a road from the movie hall back to my hostel...alone...and i realized...this is the very same road i walked wit so many people...some good...some not so good....and what was so different about tat day...i chose to walk alone...the roads wer terrible as it alwayz were...the cows still roamed the land...yet..in my solitude...my memories gave me company...time warp...even though i was alone....i was NEVER exactly alone...
i alwayz believe that the best way to know about life is to ask a loner...coz he neither is a friend...neither is he a foe...and by the time were 30 tryin to learn how to change diapers...he must have reached a near spiritual state due to keen observation skills and the knack for patience...
i tried the same....seperated myself from the world...gave up the so called friends to seek a life i dint knw...at first i was all alone...no1 to help me..no1 to love me...i cudnt control the uncontrollable silence and sadness that swept through me..all of a sudden...the world had become quieter place to me...
and then...1 day...i decided to go out...this life of solitude wasnt for me...yet...
and then...i realized...the silence i had ben grievin about was the most beautiful thing god ever gave me...coz..to others it was silence...to me...it was the answers to some of the questions i always seemed to have...yet never heard it...coz i was muddled wit the worldly ways of living...

and today...when i am my most productive..when im alone..the world doesnt let me...and to that question....i still havent found an answer to....

Thursday, July 10, 2008

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder....sitting in my room...out in the common room...out of my building...
the forces that govern me...or is it the reigns im controlling,
my fate,my destiny,my being,
to bear witness to all my seeing,
no hope wit a candle,or a prayer on the lips,
this war...this inner war,a storm within the seas of ships.

sometimes i wonder...if im the only 1 that knows
the beauty of the sky,the serenity in the rivers that flow
to all who know to destroy,with the roads you built,
try to create,those tendrils of love,after youve been consumed by guilt,
knowing that never a tree grew,in the land of man
damned for life,though its never too late,learn now,as much as u can.

coz,the hearts feared darkness,would reach to the heavens gates,
no light,no hope,no teary prayer,cud save us,coz its too late,
dark grey rivers,skies filled with thunder!
learn my fears,my friend....coz sometimes i wonder....

Saturday, January 12, 2008

a fotograph!

a photograph could mean so many things...a particular fotograph..could mean nothing to an individual yet mean somthing much more to another.it could b just a piece of paper to 1 yet for another it could b a trunk full of memories,emotions,hope and faith.a fotograph..wow..when a beloved goes missing...a fotograph is givin to alert the crowd..and the person wishesso much..that som1..somwhere..wud recognize the person in the picture...and send the most powerful messge across..."hes alive..and hes safe.."

in love,lost or unrequited,a fotograph could be the only solace tat everything is fine...everything is going to b ok.

out of personal experiances,i knw for a fact that photographs..could be givin a near humanstatus..for me ...they became my friends,they became my keen listener..no prejudices,no grudges and no expectations..true friendship..

its strange coz when 1 look back at their childhood photos,a change can be seen,and awstruck,they wonder,

"could i be the person in that picture..was i a better individual then..was i happy back then?have i done somthing significant to make this world a better place?"

its wierd how fotographs could make us realize so many things in just 1 look.

yes..there is alwayz deceptive fotography..on how 1 can hide their scars or moles at just abasic angelation of the camera,our life is somthing similar.all the skeletons of our closet,hidden...deep and far away from the spotlight.


certain fotos behave like the yang in the ying too,an affair captured on camera,could meana collapsed world for a person assuming that the person she loved,loved her back.
recently what came to my posession was a picture,a picture of a friend and me.mixed emotionsran through me in an instant!..wow...how old was this fotograph!..wow..we were so happy together...what happened?...ahh..wow..good times.it broke my heart coz we werent the best of friends anymore,yet what consoled me were the memories of that moment,which i could relive through the fotographs...the very same day i called him..


wish i could b a photographer,i could capture the beauty wit just a click of a button,i could control wat i want to see and what i want to belive and the rest,could b thought about later...