deal or no deal

looking back on the past couple of days...i realized how wierd life could be....sometimes i think i am the luckiest girl in the world...and the other times i think that i am walking towards my own doom...somtimes i think i have nothin to loose...and other times i think...ive lost all already...so much so ...that i have nothin to give to the world..what could i possibly give?...im a recluse...an exhausted commodity...
how could anybody be so confused?? i thot confusion was ment for teenagers...spare me that shit..etc

though i guess life has just started....confusion is just part of the deal..??

luck by chance????

i have alwayz been a pesemistic person in terms of my luck...i alwayz hoped for the worst...and neither i believed any good cud come out of me being spontaneous...luking at the trashy luck i alwayz had...due to which..i alwayz planned for the future..alwayz had a plan b...
if this happens...what shud i do???...if that happens...what can i do??? ...my mind buzzes wit the wierdest of thoughts...
one of my friends told me to be honest about myself...to be an open book...so that no1 can cause me pain..coz the truth is out anywyz....well heres my truth...
"my biggest fear is that i would turn out to b a trashy dentist...."
yes yes...go laugh it out....it sounds soo corny..i knw....yet it still remains to be the biggest cause of all my nightmares i get at night....
yet today...!!! ....when i thought that it was any ordinary day....I GOT A COMPLETE DENTURE PATIENT!!?!!!! ....totally unexpected..since i never was givin anything to me in my life...i alwayz had to earn it....and today...for the 1st time...i was givin..by the department of prosthodontics!!!

i also have wierd panic attacks when i see a patient..specially my patients!!! ...and today..for the 1st time..i was calm...and composed...i took the impressions in 1 go..and wow...wat a beautiful impression it was....
today was indeed a day of celebration..coz it was my day of luck... :) and i did celebrate..with my dearest friend..coz it was THE DAY...the day when luck struck by chance :) :)

deep down

there was a girl...walking in the darkness...searching for light...all she saw was the reflection of the sun through the moon...through the forest leaves....through the puddle mud...
not realizing where her daze led her to,she fell into a ground well....those kinda wells arent surrounded by walls...they r nasty....they r creepy...they hold such a darkness...that even sent chills down the local villagers...no1 went to that well...not even the most learned and educated...
and yes...she fell into that blessed well..not knowing the consequences of her faulty action...
at first...she was unconscious....and then...she awoke...the the blinding darkness she alwayz wanted to avoid..like that was her only mission in life...and now..she was stuck there.....

she cried for help...yelled a bit...cursed a bit too...
"god damn!!! why doesnt any 1 come to help me????"

and then...it was dawn..and by some crazy miracle...3 tribal women came and look down...and in shock ...they saw the girl....she begged them to let her up...and for a moment...once the left for a while..she thought she was saved....and then...to her shock...they placed a stone lid onto the well...
surrounding her...was nly the darkness she tried to push away for all her life....

god knows for how many days..she was in that well...the water she drank was the same water she gave out....she felt sick from inside out...
she felt lost..lonely...and confused....
"if only...there was some1 to get me out of this darkness"
those were the last words she said before she died.....
if only...there was som1 to get me out of this darkness.......