Saturday, December 15, 2012

Memories and me

( the celestial love story- part 2 will be continued next week )

Once I heard a song about a girl who loved her lovers face. The song goes about how he walked away from the relationship and she knows that he will write one day but the only question she would ask him would be if time ever changed his face since they were practically strangers. The beauty and simplicity of the song reflects on just how important a persons face could be to someone.

Memory is a cruel thing. Its your companion in solitude. Its a bad lesson that you learn not to repeat. Its a diabolic reminder of all that you had and lost. Its that deep abyss that once you enter, its really hard to leave.
I've recently learnt to accept that everything in life is impermanent. Even you. What I was yesterday is not what I am today. Though saying that, what remains unchanged is the essence of me. That's what makes me unique. That's what makes me, me!

Memories fade with time too. Just like the song, I do still wonder how certain people look like now. Have they gained weight? Do they still have their patent annoying habits? What went wrong?  Why dont  I remember their faces? Why dont I remember them?

These people have become the faceless ghosts of my past. When I really young in kindergarden, I used to be  called a chatterbox. yap yap yap yap ....chattering away....
It was Christmas and this boy (who's name I have forgotten) gives me his " Rudolf-the red nose reindeer" book.
" you keep it, I want you to have it"
"no but its yours"
"I rather you have it, it will make you happy"
I dont remember any of my friends in kindergarden like others in my kin do. I just remember that faceless boy who gave me his book because he thought it will make me happy.
I still do think about him, specially during Christmas. Though if he crossed me in the street now, I wont be able to recognize him.

This made me realize how time not only erases the bad, but it also erases the good memories too. Though I have noticed that even though the memory or the people are erased, some temporarily or permanently, you can never really forget how they made you feel. Saying that their pleasant or unpleasant presence in your life didnt affect the way you are is an outright lie.

“I am starting to think that maybe memories are like this dessert. I eat it, and it becomes a part of me, whether I remember it later or not.” 
― Erica Bauermeister, The School of Essential Ingredients

My fear is, what if your memory fades away?Will there be a time when you want to look back, your left with a void? How would you feel if the reason your you is lost in that void? Do you lose yourself or start over?

Juan Rulfo once said,“Nothing can last forever. There isn't any memory, no matter how intense, that doesn't fade out at last.”

Yet, that wont stop me from going out to make those memories, for its the journey I live for, whatever the destination might be...bleak or bright.

So, look back, do you remember a memory that once defined you? If yes, it was worth living that memory, even if the moment has gone.

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